Sometimes I look back on life and get myself into these little ruts.

Could I have done better? Should I have taken that opportunity? Would I be a different person if ‘xyz’ hadn’t happened? In a different reality did I take a different route in career choices?

It’s things like these that get me down sometimes, envisioning the person I could’ve been if I’d applied myslef more, if circumstances had been different for me.

Then I realise that if I’d been any different or chosen any diffeent route that I probably wouldn’t know the people I do today, and that always lifts me a bit. I have to be grateful for the people I’ve come into contact with because of the life I’ve led, and also be grateful for the fact that although things are never perfect, they could’ve been a lot worse.

Life is reaching a stagnation point for me it seems. I’ve made my career choices, I have my plans, but of course it’s never easy achieving them, and sometimes that makes me ponder on these thoughts. Would I like an easy life? Of course I would, who wouldn’t? The key thing though that I always realise is that no matter how much pondering or thinking I do, I’ll always be stuck with my past decisions and still wake up the same guy I am today. I have to make do and try my best to further myself in what I’ve chosen, and unlike in all the sci-fi films I’ve been watching recently, it’s impossible to change the past to affect the future.

Even though I seem to fall into these low points, I guess it’s time to get back on track. Again.

Perception Filter

Sometimes I wish that I could blend into society and not be noticed. Be part of the world without drawing attention to myself.

It was brought to the forefront of my mind yesterday, in fact. I was on a job taking photographs at an event as I do, and when the evening drew to a close thee was a short speech of thanks. Now, I’d been up front using my 50mm lens in order to get as much light as possible in the rather dark hall, so you can imagine how many people I’d distracted with my camera beeps and shutter sounds. It wasn’t a very nice feeling.

So when this speech of thanks came up (which by friend was leading), I was actually relieved when my name didn’t crop up at all. I’ve never liked being in the spotlight, especially with a lot of people. Sure I don’t mind taking photos, I love it actually, but it’s always got to me how much attention can be drawn to me when I’m up there snapping away. It’s unnerving. I’m the type of guy who’d rather fade into obscurity and not be recognised by the masses for my work, which I know completely contradicts the line of work I’m in.

I’m by no means ashamed of my work though, not at all. I don’t loathe doing public camera work because of any shame it brings. No, it’s just the way I feel about attention.

Some revel in it, and try to get as much as possible through odd or striking behaviour hoping to leave their mark on people. I, on the other hand, would rather leave marks, but leave them in such a way that people would forget my name, and leave the attention seeking to someone else. It’s an odd notion I know, but for those of us who do operate like this I’m sure it makes sense.

I sometimes wish that I had something that would hide me from normal eyes not only while I work, allowing them to focus on the main attraction, but just in everyday life, allowing me to be a ghost to some extent. Sometimes it feels like that already, especially in crowded cities and town centres, but a more permanent solution would be more than welcome.

It brings me to the title of my post. Now, if anyone has watched Doctor Who, the British TV program, they’ll know what I mean. If not, then in it’s simplest terms a perception filter is a device that doesn’t make one invisible, but rather makes them extremely hard to notice, and if someone’s not looking for the object hidden behind one, they will often ignore it.

Maybe it’s about time I delved into science a bit more.

All hail your Lord and Saviour.

So yesterday I felt like I ought to try new things.

And so I did!

Creating a poly art portrait was what I decided to do since I have a newfound obsession with the stuff. It took time, around 7-8 hours total, and the method and workflow was a very long and tedious process involving real photography, photoshop manipulation, and illustrator wizardry in order to bring it all together.

Creating the wire mesh seen above was the most time consuming part of the process, I can tell you that now. Drawing all those rough triangles by hand between a trackpad and Magic Mouse wasn’t exactly enjoyable.

It all paid off though in the end! After drawing the mesh, perfecting it with vectors, and filling in all the pieces in relation to the base image, I was darn impressed with my efforts on a first try! I can honestly say that I’m open to taking requests for this line of art. In fact, I’ve already got two lined up! Let me know if anyone wants one!  

And if you’re wondering about the title, I figured once I’d finished this that my pose was similar to some sort of royalty portrait, which instantly made me think of Far Cry 4 and Pagan Min. If you know who I’m on about, then the final line shouldn’t surprise you at all.

May Alex’s light shine upon you all.

Paths & Bridges

We often take different paths in life, and cross a lot of bridges in order to get over the obstacles put before us and advance from where we are to where we want to be. Let’s hope that those paths stay clear, and the bridges we cross stay stable.



Sometimes I’ll just be sat at home, doing my thing, whether that be gaming, designing, editing, or some other thing, and I get a notification on my phone.

Now before I move on never let it be said that I’m completely careless, and have no respect or regard for others, but sometimes I just can’t find it within myself to care enough in order to warrant a reply. I simply look at the notification, and decide that I can reply at some point in the future. I just prefer to reply at my own leisure it seems, and don’t conform to the pre-concieved idea that instant messaging implies that we must offer instant replies back. I suppose part of it comes from my experience with messaging, and how if you have enough people talking to you it seems like a constant barrage of messages that you find yourself consumed by if you feel like you’re obligated to reply as soon as possible. It could also come from my thoughts behind the whole ‘instant messaging’ scenario.

Humanity relied on letters for countless years, and conversations were held differently. An entire month’s worth of content was squeezed into a letter and reply wouldn’t be expected for days or even weeks, depending on the distance the letter had to travel to its recipient. With the dawn of instant messaging however, short messages could be sent instantly to other people regardless of distance, and the only courier being network infasteucture. It wasn’t that bad at first, you went on MSN for conversations and you could log out of you didn’t feel like talking, and no one had any way of knowing if you’d read a text message or not. The pressure to reply to people wasn’t there. People didn’t know you’d read a message, they didn’t know you were on your phone, and they couldn’t tell if you were appearing offline.

Yet with the power of smartphones, location data, background processes, and applications using those functions, it’s become an impossibly hard task to not feel the obligation to reply. For example, even if you ignore a message on Facebook Messenger, people can still see that you are ‘active now’ if you open the app. Unless you set the WhatsApp settings accordingly, people can see if you are ‘online’ when you open the app. People somewhat expect you to have the iMessage ‘read receipt’ setting on, so they can see if you’re ignoring them or not. Countless other applications use the same pattern, often allowing people to either see you’re online and ignoring them, or have read their message…and ignoring them, creating an artificial feeling of responsibility that you owe that person a reply of some sort.

It’s become a serious source of angst and insecurity among my generation and even the generation above. Since the assumption behind instant messaging is the fact that you’ll reply instantly, when people don’t it can breed insecurity, especially when the message is read or they’re online. ‘Did I say something?’ ‘Are they okay?’ and ‘Have I something I don’t know about?’ are just some of the thoughts that might enter someone’s head when they don’t see a reply forthcoming even after a message has been read. What they don’t usually think however are some of the simplest reasons not to reply like ‘Maybe they’re busy’ Or ‘Perhaps they just don’t want to talk right now’. The argument that the person should just say ‘I don’t feel like talking right now’ is invalid too, because either that message will have to be sent out multiple times, or someone will ask ‘why?’ and the obligation to reply is created once again. The reactions to not replying for a lengthened amount of time are ridiculous in my opinion as well. Sometimes you may not feel like replying for a day, and what are you met with the next time? Usually a cold frigid demeanour, all because you didn’t reply ‘in time’. Since when was our time governed by everyone else and when they expect a reply back?

Before you accuse me of hypocrisy though, hold on. I don’t expect a reply back instantly. Honestly, if a person replies a week or even a month later it doesn’t phase me. I’m more liable to forget I even messaged them to be honest, and even when they do reply, I just pick back up where the conversation left off, not treat them as though they’ve committed some grave offence against the state.

Instant messaging is a great advancement don’t get me wrong, and it can be especially useful in having quick conversations and in emergencies, but the issue of insecurity when it comes to replies and the claws of artificial responsibility that companies and messaging services have dug into us (I’m looking at you, Facebook, with your messenger and non-optional ‘read’ function) have turned the evolution of that section of technology into more of a burden than a help.